Daughter-in-law refuses to pay widower father-in-law $400 a week to live at his mortgage-free house so she can take care of him: 'My father-in-law inherited roughly $300K. My husband and I received nothing.'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Feb 25, 2026 12:00 PM EST

She's not going to pay to be a caretaker. 

There's a huge discrepancy between moving into your in-laws' home because you're down and out, and moving in because they're down and out. Many young, newly married couples rely on their parents because they don't have enough income to support themselves. Maybe one of them is going to school, and their single income means they have to live at home for a year or two to save up for a house. In that circumstance, the young couple might be indebted to their in-laws. They might be expected to pay them rent, and that's their in-laws' right!

It's totally different for a young family member to move in with their aging parents to take care of them. 99% of the time, young people do this because they and their parents are not in a financial position to hire a healthcare worker to come into their house and assist their parents as much as they need. This arrangement can breed resentment because it stymies the young family member's career. Few people can work full-time at a job that makes money, and take care of their elderly family members full-time, making zero. In these scenarios, it's common for the young family member to support their parents if their parents don't have a dollar to their name. Otherwise, it'd be kind of inappropriate to ask your kids to pay you to work for you.

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  • Anxious woman sitting with her father-in-law on the couch at his house, laying her hand on his hand as he clutches his chest.
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • The father-in-law in this story has money. He has a $300K inheritance from his late wife, but he wants his son and daughter-in-law to move into his granny flat so that they can take care of him in his old age. He also wants them to pay for the pleasure.

  • Am I the bad guy for refusing to pay my father-in-law $400 a week to live in his mortgage-free home after we moved in to help him?

    My mother-in-law passed away last year. It was devastating for everyone. After she passed, my father-in- law asked my husband and I to move into the family home to help him because he didn't want to live alone.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • The plan is to put a granny flat/tiny home out the back and we would live in the main house with our two children.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • For context: when my MIL passed, my FIL received roughly $300,000. My husband and I received nothing.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • The home is mortgage-free. Now, after we've started organising the move, he's saying he expects us to pay him a minimum of $400 per week in rent on top of covering all bills.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • Before agreeing to move in, it was clearly my understanding that we would cover all household bills and pay for a cleaner fortnightly for both the main house and granny flat.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • To make this move happen, we have to rehome both of our dogs. My children lose access to a backyard because of the granny flat build, We won't be able to use the driveway/carport.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • Yellow car parked beside white building
    via Jonas Jaeken

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Most of his and my MIL's belongings will remain in the main house with us, meaning we're sharing space rather than having full use of it.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • A bunch of clothes hanging on a rack
    via Adiel Gavish

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • He works full-time and receives about 62% pension income. The house is fully paid off. He is not financially struggling.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • I completely understand it's his property and legally he can charge whatever he wants. That's not my argument.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • My issue is that the expectations changed after we committed to uprooting our lives to help him.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • If $400 per week had been said at the beginning we wouldn't have agreed AITAH
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • Snoo-669 I can guarantee the answer is something along the lines of: 1) a decision made through the lens of grief (as in, shortly after OP'S MIL passed away) or 2) OP's husband has convinced OP that "they're faaaaaamily" and they have to help one another.
    via u/Snoo-669
  • RelativeSomewhere824 Original Poster's Reply yep you have got it!
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • JeepersCreepers 74 Same. I think FIL is being an AH by springing $1600 rent on them, but I believe they got to this place because OP's family is financially struggling and it was viewed as a win-win. FIL is financially independent and still working, he's not feeble. it doesn't make sense that he would want to move out of his house that he paid for into a tiny home in the backyard just for company. I don't know any able- bodied person, widower or not, who would want to do that. In addition, OP's
    via u/JeepersCreepers74
  • RelativeSomewhere824 Original Poster's Reply We are most definitely not financially struggling. FIL is 67 with health issues and wants to retire. He has mental health issues and has never lived alone. He asked us after my MIL passed unexpectedly if we could move in to help him. We actually expected to receive nothing as my MIL didn't even have a will. I mentioned it to show that he is financially stable, living in a house with no mortgage
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • saellys84 NTA. NTA for rehoming your dogs either. That is a responsible decision, given what you knew up front about this situation, but I hope you haven't completed the rehoming process yet so you can still keep your pets after you back out. Your FIL does not need help. He is a fully functional human who works full time. He needs to learn how to do his own dishes, cook his own meals, and clean his own house. I know you didn't state those were his expectations of you, but let's be real here abou
    via u/saellys84
  • RelativeSomewhere824 Original Poster's Reply Thank you! I honestly think you are the only person on here that has actually understood! To be honest i never wanted to make the move but i also can see the other way as well! and i feel as of now that he is also adding more money into it all, Its really made me feel like sh! why should we do all of these things to help him and not even slightly be able to get ahead.
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • hecklenjeckyl What positives are there for you and your family in this scenario? Sounds like absolutely "0". This is a terrible idea and I hope your husband sees this too.
    via u/hecklenjeckyl
  • RelativeSomewhere824 Original Poster's Reply he unfortunately doesnt and we have been fighting about it
    via u/RelativeSomewhere824
  • stoic_yakker Tell him to use that money for a CNA because you won't be moving. NTA
    via u/stoic_yakker
  • Background_System726 NTA. This is a bad idea I would talk with your spouse and make plans to find alternative living accommodations
    via u/Background_System726
  • Dal-Ron NTA. Do not go through with it, rent your own place because he'll keep changing the agreement and you will resent your husband because of his father. If this isn't sorted out before you move, you'll be back here in 6 months asking if you're the a-he for wanting to divorce your husband.
    via u/Dal-Ron
  • teresajs NTA It would be a mistake to continue with plans to move in now that he's changing the terms. Him asking for more money than originally agreed before you've even moved is a.huge red flag. This living situation isn't going to work out. In addition to the money, the granny flat isn't built yet and he hasn't cleared away belongings to make space for your family. Living with him would make you miserable and poor. Don't do it.
    via u/teresajs
  • KingsRansom 79 Gentle Y TA to yourself for agreeing to any of this BS. Even without paying $400/week this is a terrible arrangement for your family. Uprooting kids, losing pets, and any sense of personal space by living among ILs stuff sounds like a nightmare scenario. I understand wanting to be closer to help but this isn't the way. I'd put a full stop to a move into his house and only consider moving to a separate but closer home unless he's willing to properly downsize and let you have the ma
    via u/KingsRansom79
  • Dachshundmom5 NTA. Do NOT do this. You are going to pay for the privilege of living in his storage unit and paying for his housekeeper. While giving up your pets (what kind of people dump their dogs for this?!?!?!) and taking away a yard for your kids. Oh and no parking either. This is absurd and will be a disaster. Why on earth would you do this to yourself or your kids?
    via u/Dachshundmom5

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inheritance daughter in law widower mortgage father in law caretaking elderly money husband family
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